Diary
by Albion19
Summary: Gabriel writes down his day to day life. AU Gabden.
1. Chapter 1

Saturday June 18th

I saw this coffee mug with my name on it today (had Rossetti's Annunciation on it. She always looks scared of him.) Printed on either side was a little epigraph supposedly telling you what sort of personality you will have depending on your first name. so:

Gabriel:

_You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life. You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone. Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs._

I think that sounds right, especially the last bit (she thinks I should have gone into the priesthood this week…)

But then it went on to say:

_You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun._

This, obviously, is randomly generated phrases. I don't think I'll be out raving or breaking the law anytime soon :)

Milk and honey doesn't work.

Sunday June 19th

Went to church with mom. Almost fell asleep but managed to keep my eyes open. I think the insomnia is getting worse, slept four hours last night but I started reading and lost track of time. That only happens when I read or like when you're a kid again, fluid sense of time keeping.

Wednesday June 22nd

Train was twenty seconds early today. Man in the Grey Coat looked even more angry this morning, almost twisted his wedding ring off. Lady with the Orange Bag looks tired, and she doesn't smell of bleach. Maybe she lost her job. Fish is still alive and I think he's getting overweight. I don't feed him that much so I don't know why that's happening. A few window gazers but no business today, which is fine because I have more time fixing the Watch (think I'll take a break, don't want to rush it.)

Friday June 24th

Weather is getting pretty hot now so I decided not to wear my corduroy coat. My train compartment was less crowded. Orange Bag Lady hasn't showed up, I wonder where she is? Had a costumer, wanted a new battery in his watch. Seemed pleased with the price. Fell asleep after he left, I think the heat is getting to me. Oh Fish still floating.

Better get the books and shelves dusted.

Monday June 27th

I sometimes wish I could skip going to church but then mom would have no one to go with. That's what she says but I think she just uses it as an excuse for me to go visit her. Not that I wouldn't anyway. Not like she would ever go visit _me_ in my shop…

Thursday June 30th

Same old same old. Can't sleep, way too hot. I think I should take a break from reading everyday, my head is thumping.

Tuesday July 4th

Locked the shop for the day and went to the park, it was too nice to stay inside and no one was coming in. I walked around the lake and it looked great, everything looks better in the sun. I sat on my favourite bench and had a cheese sandwich, watching people walk by. Lots of kids running around of course. An old lady sat next to me. She smelt like dust and cats. She seemed nice enough, she smiled at me and called me "son." She loves fireworks.

I watched the display with everyone else, I was on my own but it was like I was with them. We all smiled at the same time.

Wednesday July 5th

Six hours sleep. Maybe I should walk around more often. Man in Grey Coat started crying this morning and I was the only one there. I think his wife left him, he kept on fiddling with his wedding ring. Poor guy. So Mrs Grey Coat ran off with Mr Leather Coat and now the Watchmaker is all that he has left.

But I can't fix people. Nice if I could…

Thursday July 6th

I found dad's clock in a thrift store. It was broken but I didn't even think about fixing it. Mom said she was having a "spring clean" and gave it away by accident but the apartment looked exactly the same, messy crap everywhere. She started to cry as she put it back on the wall. I think I shouted at her, I was really angry. Still angry! I don't think I'll sleep tonight, I'm going to read a book.

I know she did it on purpose, I know she did.

I'm not going on Sunday, fuck her.

Friday July 7th

No sleep. Went to mom's and apologised, gave her a peacock figurine I bought. She made me dinner, talked about Mr Pilchard, the man from Smith Barney. I don't want to work there but I was too tired to object so I just nodded along with her. She seems happy again.

I wish I was. So tired.

Monday July 10th

I like it when the phone rings, even if it's the wrong number. It's just me so I don't get to talk that often. Don't mind that much, I've always preferred my own company, even as a kid. But I do like to talk, I'm not rude or too shy to do it. Not 't have anything interesting to talk about of course.

Sometimes, when no one has walked past for hours I feel like I'm all alone, like the last person on earth. I think some people would find that exhilarating, being able to do as you wish. I don't think I'd leave the shop, I don't think I'd like to be certain that there's no one. Because someone always walks past, even if the occurrence is fleeting.

Tried going to bed early but it didn't make any difference, just woke up earlier.

Wednesday July 12th

I saw Lucy McMillan today. I took her to the prom (or she took me) years ago. She came in with her boyfriend but I hadn't seen him before. She wanted her grandmother's clock evaluated. I told them that's not what I really do and gave them Mr Goldsmith's address. But they still kept on asking me, like they hadn't heard what I had said. And then I knew they didn't care about the clock. They just came in to laugh at me, I could see it in their eyes, the way they tried not to smile.

The whole time I didn't want to look at her but at the same time I did, I couldn't stop thinking about what she did to me in bathroom on the night of the prom. Still feel crap about it. My hands sweated so much the clock slipped. Again they didn't seem to care.

Jesus that happened so many years ago, why would she want to embarrass me, like she's a teenager again? Some people are stupid, like they've got wool in their head.

Her boyfriend had his hand on her behind the whole time.

Thursday July 13th

I think I slept for forty minutes. Christ, I should go see someone. I sat in my chair and watched the sunrise but it was like seeing it through a blurred lens. My head feels really light. But I went to work, I've had insomnia before, not as bad but it goes away. I hope so.

Going to bed, wish me luck. Ha.

Monday July 17th

Someone was sitting in my seat this morning, she got on before me. I know it's stupid but I don't like things like that happening, like if it's different I feel something bad will happen. (Yes I also have plastic covers on my chairs = OCD. I know what type of crazy I am.)

She was reading a book, some romance novel I think. I couldn't see what she looked like because it was covering her face. She was really thin (not anorexic but like she should just eat more.) Long stick arms and legs. She was tiny.

She must have just washed her hair because it was all I could smell. Watermelon.

Mmm hungry, got to eat.

Tuesday July 18th

I found her book on an empty seat this morning, no one was there. So I kept it, just for safe keeping. I'll give it back if I see her again.


	2. Chapter 2

Wednesday July 19th

I sat here for twenty minutes thinking over today, wondering what to write. The words are in my head but my hand won't get them down. Just write anything!

I like the ride back home, I look forward to it because more often then not I never get a seat. I would have to stand up, holding onto a rail while from all sides I'm being touched. I enjoy it because there's nothing committing about it or anything suspect. It's not like I'm doing anything rude or wrong. No one would shun me because I was one of many, all touching each other.

Being touched is not meant to be anything personal, it's not meant to have this much of an effect on me. I should just write down what happened. Right.

So I had that Pixie girl's (she really looks like a fairy) book in my bag, I took it to work with me in hope that I would see her on the way there or back home. I didn't see her in the morning but I did on the way back. God, I don't know what the hell happened.

I was by the doors, people crowded around me when I saw this flash of green through the window. It was her. I stopped the doors from closing and she jumped on. Now the compartment was really crowded and hot and she was pressed up to me. She had her hands on my chest, to steady herself as the train started to go. I could see her bare back reflected in the doors when she moved (she was wearing a dress). She quickly lowered her hands, they were feather light and slim, and then she looked up at me and smiled.

God. There isn't words to describe what I felt, I'll need to invent them I think. But I'll try. I felt like I had been simultaneously filled up and punctured, just from looking at her. I had no air, I was just blood and heart which was trying to beat it's way out of my chest. I still feel funny thinking about it. She had a tear shaped face, chin a tapering point. Her mouth, naturally deep pink and wide, was quirked up at a corner. She started to draw in her bottom lip, like she was sucking on it. Sounds so corny but she had Disney eyes, huge sloe shaped orbs that took up half her face. She had short brown hair, a bit wavy.

I couldn't look away, I was staring at her with my mouth open like an idiot. I think she thought so to because she snorted very softly through her nose and looked down.

I don't stare at people, not so that they'd notice anyway, but I did with her. I totally lost my senses. When she looked down I felt like I had been released because if she hadn't I think I would have been looking into her eyes the whole way home.

Safe to say I still have the book, I was going to give it back, that was my plan all along, but I suddenly became speechless. Struck dumb.

I need to relax, I don't know what's wrong with me.

Thursday July 20th

Morning: Going to work. Got the Book with me. I've promised myself that if I see her again I'll just hand it over and walk away, no need to get all nervous over it. Right, I'm going now.

Night: Pixie was there in the morning. I saw her eyes skim me and she smiled and nodded before lowering her head. She had another book.

No one was there, I could have sat next or near her but instead I moved to the other end of the compartment. Because the thought of being near her again made my lungs feel like leather. I was sweating like crazy to so I must have look really weird, standing there for so long before moving away. I didn't want her to think I was a weirdo so I didn't look at her. Well, I tried not to.

Once I got in the shop I read the book. It was a romance about the love lives of contemporary women. About them having babies. I hid the book under the table whenever anyone walked in, stupid but I felt a bit like a thief. I would find myself running the tips of my fingers over the pages, tracing the creased edges of them, imagining her fingers turning the pages, careful not to leave smudges. She had even left the shop sticker on the back.

Ok so I had read the woman's book, there was no reason not to give it back right? Wrong. Again she was there on the way back but not so close to me. So I had room to breathe and think but I didn't want to get her attention because it would attract everyone else's. So I kept quiet and hoped the crowd would thin out. Funny, first time I've wished not to have them there.

The passengers got off and it was coming up to her stop, passed mine I might add, and I geared myself up to go to her. I got to the point where I was standing behind her back and again that crushing swelling feeling overtook me and before I knew it the doors were closing and she was on the other side of them, walking away.

Jesus Christ, I don't like this disruption. I don't even know who she is.

Friday July 21st

I blame everything that happened today on no sleep and possibly a bout of temporary insanity.

All I wanted to do was give the stupid book back, that's all. I didn't mean to follow her.

Ok so all day I was hypersensitive, seeing things really clearly which is crazy because I had no sleep whatsoever. I was feeling really unsteady on my feet. I closed my lids and all I could see was her. Anyway, she wasn't there in the morning but I revving myself up all day to give it to her, maybe because it was the end of the week, rounding everything off.

She was there, about to get off and I thought that this was it, stop being a jerk and just tap on her shoulder, tell her I found her book and wish her a nice day. Done and dusted.

I ended up following her out the doors, out the subway and into the road. I was following her. I've become one of those guys. The first few minutes I kept on thinking to myself, shouting really, to turn back or just speed up and give it to her. I was about to, the words were on my tongue but she suddenly stopped and started to walk backwards. I froze but she hadn't seen me, she was walking back to a telephone booth. There were cards all over it, I think they were prostitute cards. She stood looking at it for a couple of seconds, a frown on her face before she started to pull them all down. She looked angry, a bit frenzied even. When they were all off she ripped them up and threw the pieces into a bin. I saw her sigh, her shoulders relaxing. Then she carried on walking.

And I carried on following. It was like my legs weren't mine anymore, my body had become dislocated from my brain. It was when she started to get her keys out that I found control again. So I got on the train, dead beat tired, and came home.

I turned around before I saw where she lived but it doesn't make what I did any better.

I feel so ashamed.


	3. Chapter 3

Saturday July 22nd

Haven't slept, feeling a bit down. I put her book on the bookshelf with all the others because it was making me feel odd touching it.

I'm going to count and catalogue the books.

Sunday July 23rd

I started day dreaming in church, thinking about her. I'm really nervous about seeing her tomorrow and I started thinking what would happen. Like I get on the train and she knows I followed her. She slaps me, calls the police and other bad things.

I know I'm being ridiculous, I'm sure she didn't know, but I could be wrong. Maybe I shouldn't get the train anymore, just to be on the safe side. I've got a bike.

Monday July 24th

She didn't slap me, she smiled at me! I got on and she was in my seat (her seat now) and she smiled, really friendly. I feel so relieved but also puzzled. Why would she smile at me? Maybe she's confused me with someone else? I'm not that memorable after all.

Anyway I'm glad I didn't take the bike to work.

Just got back from the shop and had my dinner. Ok I think she definitely recognises me now, she smiled again (I really like that). Don't know why she does it, no one smiles at strangers, even if they're familiar. Certainly not at me. Before today I didn't really acknowledge her looks but I did today, it would be rude if I ignored her. She got on, saw me and headed towards where I was standing. She turned around so that her back was facing my chest (she's soo small, I'm like a foot taller then she is). There wasn't many people there, not enough so that she had to move back but she did. She leaned into me. I could feel her back rising and falling against my chest, she could probably feel mine.

I totally forgot about the book. She was all I thought about.

But I got off at my stop. Never doing that again.

Tuesday July 25th

Morning: I'm dreaming about her. I don't know how long I slept but I woke up with a very vivid sense that I had just - I can't even write it down, not when it's still over me. _She_ is even.

Smiled again. I know it's just a small thing and probably doesn't mean anything to her but to me…to me it's like the 4th of July. Fireworks and heat and color. All that commotion and excitement compressed into a smile.

I hope I sleep tonight, I hope I dream.

Wednesday July 26th

I just woke up from a dream. I don't usually write down my dreams, I should get a diary for that really.

That was…intense. I can't remember the last time I had a sexual type dream, certainly nothing as vivid as that. I usually dream about watches.

Ok so I was in the train and it was empty. The light was different, everything was bathed in this low green light, emerald, and it pulsed. I was sitting in my seat and she was on her knees in front of me. She ran her hands over my knees, up my thighs and spread them apart. She was wearing that dress, it was hanging off her shoulder, ready to fall off. It looked sheer.

And then she wasn't wearing anything at all and neither was I. I was aroused, really really aroused. She kept on licking her lips, pink tongue all wet. And then she did it, took all of me in. It was a dream, none of it was real but gosh it felt like it. I don't even know what that act would feel like but the sensations…I was surprised for a moment that she wasn't straddling me when I awoke, my hand grasping air. Feel disappointed.

I need to shower now.

Just got in the door, haven't eaten but I wanted to get this down (I should bring this to work with me all the time). She sat next to me on the way to work, she got up to give her seat to someone and she sat with me. She didn't even look around she just sat next to me, seemingly totally fine with this. She didn't speak to me (thank god, I don't know what I would have said) but she smiled widely before taking a book out of her bag. (I've still got hers, I take it with me everyday.)

She turned her body towards me and the side of her leg brushed against mine, touching arms. I didn't want to get off, I felt really relaxed, sleepy. I wanted to hold her, slip my hand behind her back and turn her more towards me, wanted her to rest against my chest. Gently and soft.

Thursday July 27th

Dreams again but they're turning into daydreams. Or maybe they were always those because I don't feel like I've had a good rest.

She sits next to me now and I smiled at her before she did (rude if she kept doing it and I never did first.) But she was wearing that dress and I couldn't help thinking of her like that. All pale pink skin and tongue. I was really uncomfortable but I didn't get an erection, thank god. I thought I might because she touched my knee when the train jerked. I went red, I know I did, when she smiled at me again.

But the way back was worse (or good?) I was sitting down and when the doors opened a surge of people got on. It was packed within seconds and she was right in front of me. I made to get up so she could sit down but she shook her head, pressed her hand to my shoulder. So I remained in my seat.

I didn't know where to look, her chest was right in my face. So I just looked at my lap. I had to spread my legs apart to she could make more room for people. She had nothing to hold on to but me, both hand on my shoulders, one knee bracing against the seat between my crotch. I wanted to touch her so much, she was leaning into me, her body so close, but I couldn't do it. I looked up and I could see that she was breathing heavily, like me. I could see that her skin where she was bending her knee was starting to get red. I took everything I could, everything about her was around me and I absorbed it all.

Her thumb stroked the back of my neck, up and down and I shivered the whole way. I glimpsed her face as I got up, pressed together. She was flushed, she like me.

I don't observe people, I observe cogs and gears. You know where you are with them because you control them. You can't with people. Springs and wheels can't hurt you, they just do what they were made to do. People are confusing and mercurial, saying one thing but meaning another. Years I've been closing myself off, I step back from them. Everything about me is a step back. Clothes, apartment, work, even my attitude. I know I look strange to some and that's ok with me, that's what I tell myself because then they leave me alone.

But I don't think I want to be alone anymore. I want to step forward and be present.

I want to be in her present.


	4. Chapter 4

Oh fuck! FuckfuckFUCKFUCKFUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She knows, she's got it.

I tried to sleep, couldn't even close my eyes so I had a shower but it hasn't done anything to relax me.

I left my diary on the train and she's got it. Eden.

*

Ok so I'm feeling more calm now, I think I can write about what happened.

So for a week she didn't turn up, she wasn't there in the morning or in the evening. I looked on all the different compartments along the train but she was nowhere. I thought that I must have done something wrong, after the last time on the train together. Maybe I scared her off or she really wasn't interested. But I couldn't stop thinking about her hands on my shoulders, her bare knee, flushed skin but mostly her smiles.

The insomnia got really, really bad. So bad that I got sleeping pills from the doctor (never wanted to take them but it was getting so bad.) I didn't take them straight away, putting them off (mom tells me these horror stories about the dangers of sleeping pills. Usually ignore that stuff she says but it's true. I know that first hand now.)

I couldn't sleep so I took some. I can't remember what happened after that. I guess I had a funny reaction to them. The next thing I know I'm being shaken awake on the train. It was her, my pixie. At first I thought I was dreaming, I was wearing my tweed coat over my pyjamas and I somehow decided that sleeping on the train was a good idea. I have no memory of what I did before that, I hope I just got on and slept.

But it was her, kneeling in front of me looking concerned. I have never, ever been so embarrassed. I think she might have wanted to laugh but she didn't. She had a hand on my arm and the other on my knee, shaking it. She asked me if I was ok, she had a lower voice then I expected, and at for a moment I thought I wouldn't be able to speak.

But I did and it was easy! Easy! Maybe it was the sleeping pills but I started talking a mile a minute, telling her that I hadn't been sleeping so the pills must have done something to me. She raised her eyebrows, nodding as I babbled on. She said that she also has trouble sleeping but she doesn't like pills because they can make you do "crazy shit" . And then it was silent and I just looked at her. She smiled, looking really shy and realised I had my bag with me, with her book in it. So I gave it back, as simply as that.

But she didn't look surprised at all, she got this coy look on her face instead. I told her that I was sorry for not giving it back and she said that she "wondered when I was going to return it to her." So she knew, all along, that I had it. She told me that she saw me pick it up as the train moved away ages ago. I apologised, over and over again telling her that she must think I'm a thief or something but I wasn't. She started to laugh, telling me not to "sweat it."

I asked her why she didn't ask for it back and she shot the question right back at me. I couldn't answer straight away but then I told her that I guessed the longer I left it the harder it was to go through with it, that it would look strange if I gave it back after so long. She told me that she understood, that no one talks to each other on the train, even if they see each other everyday for years. I nodded vigorously, happy that she understood.

Then she said that "you and me have broken an unwritten rule, we shouldn't be talking." I said that no one would know because we were alone, we wouldn't get in trouble. She smiled at me again, god my heart was beating like crazy, and said that we weren't strangers anymore and told me her name, Eden. I have never met anyone called that before and I told her so. She sat on the seat next to me and said that she was named after a porn star. I must have looked shocked because she burst out laughing and said she was joking.

So I told her my name, "that's really pretty name" she said, and I thanked her (I felt like I was either going to be sick or start bouncing in my seat, I was so wired.) I was dying to ask her where she had been but I didn't want to sound like I was being nosy or anything but she brought it up herself. She said that she hadn't seen me for a while and was happy to see me now. I said "I wondered where you were" and she told me that she'd been looking for a new place to stay, that she "can't pay the rent because I've only got a part time job in an antique book shop."

I don't have friends so I don't geek out over things with people but I did then. I must have looked so stupid but I couldn't believe she'd work in a place like that. I felt like she was in the same boat as me, in regards to work. But she seemed really pleased that I was excited and we talked about books; she asked me what I was interested in because she'd be happy to look up stuff for me. I told her that I worked in as a timepiece restorer and seller and she looked surprised, looking at me up and down (which reminded me I was in my pyjamas.)

She said that I "look very tweedy, vintage, like you should live in some PG. Woodhouse book, so your profession suits you. It was bugging me, wondering what you did because you're so young." I told her that I like things from the past, especially vintage stuff because it was unique, hard to get sometimes. She laughed and said that was me, "unique."

I just grinned at her. I've never felt so happy, not like that, not like I was filling up and about to burst with it. But I was still feeling a bit nervous but I found it comfortable to talk to her, she's very easy going person (sometimes). Anyway I asked her if she was looking for an apartment now (I didn't think so because the sun hadn't even risen yet) She said no, she couldn't sleep so she likes to ride the trains.

Jesus, I still can't believe she'd do something like that! I told her that's a dangerous thing to do, on her own and she got a bit defensive with me, saying that she was well aware of that but she can take care of herself. I still feel anxious that she'd do that, I mean she looks so waiflike. But her eyes got very intense then, hard and jabbing and I had to look away, saying sorry.

She took my hand, saying that she was sorry. Her touch, her touch sent volts through me and I held her hand gently, telling her then she didn't have to apologise. We sat quiet together, watching the different stations go by. I think it was then that I knew it was going to be something important, it was not going to be a thing I wasn't going to let slip by me. But I didn't know what to do, what to say to her. I couldn't ask her out on a date because she might turn me down, I couldn't ask her for her number because we'd only just started talking. I felt like she was going to slip away from me, that we'd both have to get off and say goodbye and I'd never see her again. All she'd be was a memory I'd fawn over but I wanted more. Tangible and real. Mine.

Luckily for me she's a lot more courageous.

She said I was looking sleepy, warning me that I might fall asleep again. She was right, I was feeling all warm and lethargic, the heat of her next to me peaceful. I said, unthinking, that the stop near my shop was coming up. Eden raised her eyebrows at me, wondering if I was "going to sleep with my watches on the floor?" I said no, laughing, I had a bed. (she didn't ask where the bed was thank god. That would have been humiliating.)

She got up but I just sat there. I really, really didn't want to leave her. The train was slowing and she was standing over me and I said if she was sure about being on her own? She smiled and said she was fine. Then I just blurted out "will you see me again?" It felt like my insides had shrivelled, convinced she'd say no. She bent down over me and brushed the hair away from my forehead (it must have looked messy, hadn't been combed) and said that "you are the only friend that I've made since I moved." I told her that was hard to believe but she said it was true, she hasn't stayed in one place long enough to make any. She said that she would be on the train Monday morning so if I was there then we'd met again but if not I could always come and visit the book shop. So she gave me the address. She straightened up then as the train started to stop and I fisted the seat under me hard but I got up. She said I was "too damn tall" and I agreed.

I walked on to the platform, looking at her. I was petrified that it would be the last glimpse of her, my tummy was in a knot and my heart was beating in my ears. She called out to me before the doors shut that she promised to see me again. I told her not to promise, because they're just words. She told me, looking sad for some reason that "If I say something I mean it Gabriel." Then she grinned and raised her hand as the train moved away and it slipped into the darkness.

It was only once I was half way to the shop that I realised I'd left the diary on the seat. I don't think she'd read it but oh fuck if she did? I mean there's so much stuff in there, not just about her but other stuff that looks so…chancy. They're only my thoughts on paper, the silly stuff doesn't really mean anything. But I will look like a freak if anyone reads it and especially to Eden. Half of me is hoping that this morning was all a crazy dream, a side effect of the drug but I've got her bookshop address. Unless I'm still dreaming? Oh god I think I need to

Oh my god.

Friday August 4th

She's in my shop. She's asleep in my bed.

So unbelievable, that this has happened to me but it has. I can't believe it!

I heard a knock on the glass and I pulled back the curtain and it was her. She was quick to assure me that she hadn't read it, she opened the cover and saw the address that I had written down. I took it from her with a thanks and she nodded. I could see her eyes looking over the place and I said she could have a look if she wanted? So I showed her around. She said I had a lot of crystal everywhere (quartz actually). I explained why I had it but she started to yawn over and over again. She apologised, she hadn't had any sleep and she got lost looking for my shop. I said that she could sit down in back of she wanted. I could see a flash of wariness in her eyes and I quickly told her that it was fine if she didn't want to.

But she did, she came in back and she's still here. She saw the bed of course and laughed. I told her that I work late sometimes and so get too tired to go home. She said that makes perfect sense (well it does.) She sat on it, asking me that if I lived alone. I said it's pretty obvious right? And she laughed and shrugged. Then she started to look me over and I felt myself flushing and she did the same. It's different when you have that "stranger" shield taken away, when you actually talk because it's personal then.

I made her tea (milk, two sugars) and asked her if she had work today and she said no, she was working full time but not anymore, she's about to start a course at college, she wants to be a child psychologist. She saved up for years but she needs to find a cheaper place to stay.

I wish I could help her (that's what I told her). But truthfully what I wanted to tell her was that she could stay with me. I didn't of course because that would sound really odd. But I want to help her and I will somehow. She was blinking rapidly, trying to stay awake and her head kept tilting to the left. I turned around to put the cups on the cupboard and when I turned back she was asleep.

So she's still here, I pulled the blanket over her and I'm sitting watching her sleep now. I left the curtain open so she doesn't wake feeling trapped or anything.

I don't know if anything will come of it, I hope so. But when she wakes I'm going to ask her if I can come see her shop and the books. After that I'll see what happens.

It's going to be different having someone to talk to now. I hope so, never really thought about it but I don't hear my voice enough. Don't want to lose it. doesn't snore.

Notes

The date is Monday May 7th 2009

Did you write our sexual exploits in this? Just kidding!

Don't think you've written in this, or the others I've given you, for years but I like to think you'd find this in the draw in years to come and read this:

I LOVE YOU!

I remember when I first saw you, I was travelling in silence with Clark Kent in Tweed (you know the tweed got me hot and I had to stop myself jumping you… hahaha!) Those first few weeks you were so gentle around me, like I was a mouse, frightened I'd run away. Do you remember?

Right, now I have to go to work and I'll tell you in person when I get back. I think I tired you out…

Pixie.

P.S I'm such a dork for doing this.

P.S.S So if you find this you better do it back! Ok, now I'm really late.

Love you.


	5. Jolene

_note: this was a oneshot but I'll add it in the end here. Set in their future. FLUFF._

* * *

_2010, June 29th._

Dear Pix

God I haven't written in this thing for years! This was a nice surprise finding your little note. I'm shocked you managed to keep your mouth closed about it. How many times did you check to see if I had written in it?

Sexual exploits? Ha I wish! God, we'd have more of that in here then in reality.

Not that I'm gonna go that far...

Love you, Gabe.

* * *

_2010, July 3rd_

OH MY GOD YOU WROTE BACK! FINALLY!

Sometimes I used to think you knew but were teasing me for being more of a dork then you. (yeah right, hee)

Sex? What is this word of which you write? I think I remember it but you might have to refresh my memory somehow...

Pixie.

* * *

_2010, July 7th_

Well maybe if you hadn't hidden it behind a mountain of shoes I would have wrote back sooner!

I think I jogged your memory didn't I?

Gabe.

* * *

_2010, July 8th_

Says the WATCH FIEND. A girl deserves her small luxuries. Or two.

Sorry? Jogged what? Oh wait, something is being jogged, something about...Damn, it's gone. Looks like you'll have to try harder...

Pix.

* * *

_2010, July 9th_

Or a thousand. I'm not the one with an extra wardrobe...

Jeez Eden you almost killed me! No more jogging for you.

G.

* * *

_2010, July 12th_

Whatever! You have a freakin SHOP.

*tuts* you'll get all stiff with no exercise. Not that I need any but I don't think, as you're older then me, it would be very good for you Gabe. They'll come a day when you won't be able to keep up with me.

P.

* * *

_2010, July 13th  
_  
Ok, you win.

Hmmm, looks like I'll just have to take the train more often.

G.

* * *

_2010, July 14th_

Oh god the train! It makes me laugh when people look at you and just see the clothes and not what's under them. I remember when you told me about that dream where I suck you off on one, you were so embarrassed but I could see you wanted it to be true.

Well your powers of seduction haven't gone that far yet...

P.

* * *

_2010, July 15th._

Oh god. Well I'm going red writing this now. Are you suggesting I'm crude?

We'll see...

G.

* * *

_2010, July 16th_

Crude? No. Just someone with a very, _very_ active imagination and I take great pleasure in seeing it made a reality. You're amazing.

We'll see?! Oh come on, not in a million years and you know it. Role-play not enough?

Pix.

* * *

_2010, July 17th_

Keep talking...

Of course it's just that it happens less and less.

Do you find it weird that we don't talk about writing to each other? Are we under some contract not to mention this?

G.

* * *

_2010, July 18th _

I stoke your ego enough thanks. Don't pout now.

I know, just not enough time and I'm so freakin tired when I get home. But vacation soon! Then all the "jogging" we can handle.

I like it! It's like some secret correspondence. Pen pals living under the same roof.

Pix.

* * *

_2010, July 19th_

I don't pout thanks very much!

Yeah I can't wait! Just us and the sea...I'll go all non "vampire skin."

Did you ever have a pen pal when you were young? My mom made me write to famous people. I got an autograph from Dolly Parton.

G

* * *

_2010, July 20th_

Oh my god you do! You do it more then me you big baby!

Mmmmm, all swarthy. No T-shirts, as naked as possible thankyouverymuch!

Oh god I almost busted a gut reading that! Dolly Parton! I saw you trying not to smile earlier when I sang Jolene at you. You're good at keeping a straight face.

No, I wish I had. I was so lonely as a kid.

Sarah.

* * *

_2010, July 21st _

Oh come on! You take that crown for sure! I bet you're puckering up as you read this!

Deal as long as you wear a bikini. I promise not to jump you.

Oh god my mother loved her! She almost died when I gave the signed photo to her. Thanks!

Me to. I wish so much I had known you then, we were very similar I think.

Gabriel.

* * *

_2010, July 22nd_

And I kissed the page for you!

I have no tits for a bikini Gabriel. But you can still jump me...

I can imagine.

Two unpopular kids with "strange" guardians. Or what I like to otherwise call "crazy drunk bitch" (I'm not calling your mother names Gabe, so don't get stroppy) But yeah I would have loved to have known you then. We could be lonely together.

Pixie, age 25 and a half.

* * *

_2010, July 23rd_

And I kissed it back! Mmm, lipstick. Tasty.

I wish you would stop doing that. But I won't say no to that offer!

Your step mom is a bitch, my mom is kooky. (Stroppy? I know she can be a hand-full at times, I won't get mad if you say so.) I would have run away and found you on your farm and lived with you. Secretly.

Gabe, age 29 years, 1 month and 4 four days (you want seconds? I can do that)

* * *

_2010, July 24th_

I would prefer your mouth on mine next time...

It's the truth, all my bras are padded. Well me and my flat chest will be waiting with bated breath.

Kooky? Putting it mildly there Gabe. (please, you sulk all day when I do.)

Awww! You could go live in the barn and I come to you and bring you food! So you come to me because I'm your pen pal?

(show off)

Pix, 145 years old.

* * *

_2010, July 25th _

Better?

Yeah I know, I remember the fit you threw when I bought you otherwise years ago. Lucky I had the receipt. My skinny legs will be shaking in anticipation.

Yes kooky, eccentric, oddball etc. You say I had to get it from somewhere...

I'd come to tell you that I love you and whisk you off to Vegas where an Elvis impersonator could marry us (I'm still disappointed you didn't want to do that)

(can't help being a genius)

Gabe.

* * *

_2010, July 27th_

Mmmmm, not quite...

I love that this has developed to writing about my boobs.

Well you certainly have enough of it!

Then I'd go be a can-can dancer with a feather bower and sequins and thong and you...what would you do in Vegas Gabriel? Not really your scene. (oh Jesus can you imagine the wedding photos we would have had instead? I guess that would have been a talking point)

(I'm sure I've got a pin here to deflate your head...)

Pixie.

* * *

_2010, August 14th_

Ooh, been awhile since we wrote in this. Lets start up again? I'll sing Dolly Parton songs at you!

Gabe.

* * *

Auother's note: stop there because I could go on forever.


End file.
